


Queer Eye for the Straight Spy

by vanillafluffy



Category: 24 (TV), Archer (Cartoon), Burn Notice, James Bond (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy homage, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 'Queer Eye' homage, Canon-Typical Violence, Environmentally-friendly body disposal, M/M, fake reality TV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 13:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15535014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillafluffy/pseuds/vanillafluffy
Summary: Clint and Phil are the hosts of a TV show that does makeovers for members of the intelligence community. It's called ’Queer Eye for the Straight Spy’....





	Queer Eye for the Straight Spy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ami Ven](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ami+Ven), [SuBethJimBob](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuBethJimBob/gifts).



“Nooo,” Clint groans as the alarm goes off. He bats futilely at the nightstand, trying to locate and deactivate his phone. “Two more minutes--! Aww, man!” He sits up, blondish hair adorably tousled. He casts a jaundiced look at Phil, who’s already shaved and almost dressed. “You moved my phone.”

“I did,” Phil agreed. “Or you would’ve turned it off and we have a lot to do today.”

“I was having the damnedest dream,” Clint yawns. “You and I were the hosts of a TV show for members of the intelligence community. It was called _’Queer Eye for the Straight Spy’_. We went around and tried to do makeovers on operatives. Like, that guy that got burned in Florida, you recommended a good sunblock and I told him that _not_ living with his mom would really improve his love life.”

“Sunblock is a good idea,” Phil nods, straightening his tie. “Especially in Miami.”

“I told Jack Bauer he needed to relax and take more time to enjoy life, and we did meditation and a hot oil massage. You were telling him about the benefits of macrobiotic eating.”

“It certainly couldn’t hurt, although it’s also important to take time and eat the donuts.”

“Or Double Oh-Seven--”

“Which one?” Phil's fiddling with his cuff-links. He smiles fondly at his partner.

Clint squints at him. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, which is a hopeful sign of life. “Whatshisname...his nickname was ‘Flash Gordon’…” he says after a moment. “I told him the penguin suits made him look like he had a stick up his butt and suggested he pair the jacket with dark-washed jeans, and you showed him how to make stuffed mushrooms and gave him a lecture on which ones were poisonous.” 

Phil chuckles. “Good of me,” he comments. “What about Archer?”

“We decided he was beyond help. We ended up dropping him out of a helicopter over a pack of hungry polar bears.” Clint stands up and stretches. “That was in Iceland or maybe Alaska? Anyway, the polar bears got him. No way they can trace it back to us.”

Leave it to Clint to be efficient in body disposal even in his dreams. Nice to know.

…


End file.
